Margaret Norton experienced pain when her brother ex-communicated her from the family. Margaret shares her memoir, When Ties Break. Margaret, please share your advice for people who have been wronged and are trying to deal with their anger. How do you forgive someone and get past the hurt and anger?
Anger is a powerful emotion - it motivates us to do many things. The secret is learning how to control your anger. As the victim of abuse I saw many individuals who were angry and lost their tempers. For years I blamed myself - if only I could do or be better then they would not hurt me. But the real problem was their anger and lack of control. I had to learn how to set boundaries with those in my life. As I became stronger I was able to ask for and get the type of treatment that I deserved.
Forgiveness is something that you do for the person who wronged you. Some people call it a gift. When you are angry with someone they retain control over you but forgiving them frees you to move on. You forgive them even if they never apologize, never admit they were wrong and even when they don't deserve it. Just as God forgives us. Forgiving someone doesn't give them permission to mistreat you again. Moving on takes time and is hard work. Circumstances and people change. This can be hard. But eventually you have to let go of the past if you want to move forward with your life.
Sometimes we underestimate the effects of negative circumstances. We see the emotional consequences but the physical health problems caused by anger, pain and stress are less obvious. We take care of our physical body but abuse our mental health. When bad things happen to us we gain weight, lose weight, withdraw or lash out at others. But instead we should learn to embrace these experiences as opportunities for growth. In writing my story I learned much about myself and life. One main lesson is that we don't have to accept a life that we don't like but rather we can fight to get the fulfilling, healthy life we desire and deserve.
Anger is a powerful emotion - it motivates us to do many things. The secret is learning how to control your anger. As the victim of abuse I saw many individuals who were angry and lost their tempers. For years I blamed myself - if only I could do or be better then they would not hurt me. But the real problem was their anger and lack of control. I had to learn how to set boundaries with those in my life. As I became stronger I was able to ask for and get the type of treatment that I deserved.
Forgiveness is something that you do for the person who wronged you. Some people call it a gift. When you are angry with someone they retain control over you but forgiving them frees you to move on. You forgive them even if they never apologize, never admit they were wrong and even when they don't deserve it. Just as God forgives us. Forgiving someone doesn't give them permission to mistreat you again. Moving on takes time and is hard work. Circumstances and people change. This can be hard. But eventually you have to let go of the past if you want to move forward with your life.
Sometimes we underestimate the effects of negative circumstances. We see the emotional consequences but the physical health problems caused by anger, pain and stress are less obvious. We take care of our physical body but abuse our mental health. When bad things happen to us we gain weight, lose weight, withdraw or lash out at others. But instead we should learn to embrace these experiences as opportunities for growth. In writing my story I learned much about myself and life. One main lesson is that we don't have to accept a life that we don't like but rather we can fight to get the fulfilling, healthy life we desire and deserve.
Margaret (Norton) Whichard can be found at www.margaretnortonlifecoach.com,
Her memoir, When Ties Break can be downloaded on Kindle at http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005PTVZCS
Thank you, Margaret for sharing your inspiring story with us.
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